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Post by Winston on May 17, 2005 21:15:27 GMT -5
Ok maybe their higher level, but still, at least by then Id be able to wreck.
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Post by CrazyDave on May 18, 2005 20:20:13 GMT -5
well, yeah, I'm just saying not now.....
yeah, you'd probably wreak, but as a point, would you wreak without your weapon?
Astaroc barely threw together an attack, and he's pretty damn skilled......
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Post by Winston on May 18, 2005 20:50:43 GMT -5
Being a Ninja, maybe.
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Post by CrazyDave on May 19, 2005 16:00:44 GMT -5
As a point, if it was light out, Astaroc would have owned with his light baised attacks.
there is a reason they call it "Holy". It's short for "Holy Fuck, We are going to die."
hee hee hee.....
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Post by Winston on May 20, 2005 9:00:22 GMT -5
What happened to only being able to cast illusions?
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Post by CrazyDave on May 20, 2005 16:56:50 GMT -5
well, Astaroc can use Holy too, but.....
uh.... well..... Huge explosions aren't exactly a great weapon to use all the time.
So, he avoids it when he can. Illusions are twice as efficent and can be much more effective.
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Post by Winston on May 20, 2005 21:12:44 GMT -5
If its an illusion it cant really do much more than cause fear or various other things that include distracting.
DAMNIT I WANT TO PLAY DND
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Post by CrazyDave on May 21, 2005 0:49:36 GMT -5
Dude, a REALLY GOOD Illusion can make somebody die without them knowing how.
Picture, if you will.....
You see Astaroc across a clearing. You charge forward to meet him....
And run into Astaroc's blade head on.
He was really standing two feet in front of where he looked like he was, with his sword pointed right at you.
Don't worry for D & D though (if you think this makes him too strong), Astaroc won't figure out illusions untill after the end of D & D.
God, I wanna play it too...........
Damn you Work!!!!
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XAevinX
Full Pirate Monkey
~siro ookami~
Posts: 488
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Post by XAevinX on Sept 11, 2005 1:07:33 GMT -5
GOD IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!! Guess what? I read this whole story just now, it took me awhile because I'm dyslexic and my roommate keeps calling me....but I read it I swear! And now I'm going to post my responce without reading any of the other responces on here. (So it's unbiased) So if I repeat something that someone else said you know why... Ok there's always good news and bad news right? I save the good news for last because it's more fun. So here are the bad things. 1) Repeating Words Ok no big deal...this is the same mistake I pointed out in EVERYONE's story so dont feel too bad. I even do this from time to time. Don't know what I mean? Here are a few examples... Ok....so you see what I mean? Repeating certain words in back to back sentences, or even two or three times in the same sentence, makes it sound dull and unimaginative at times. Try to reword things with synonyms to keep it fresh and exciting. 2) Spelling HA HA HA How dare I make fun of someone's spelling...I'm such an idiot. We all know my spelling and grammar aren't top notch but I'm putting this here anyway because you did make a few pretty obvious mistakes, usually using homonyms like these... rap (wrap) rapped (wrapped) rained (reigned) Then this one here... elfin (elvin) Some people actually use "elfin" but the more commonly used term is "elven." Elfin is actually a sports car manufactorer. 3) Da' Fight Scene!!! (omg only I would put this here) Ok now this will sound really stupid of me but I critique fight scenes all the time. I pretty much watch Kung Fu movies just so I can do this. I think it's fun so I pay attention to stupid details. If you think I'm being an idiot feel free to skip over this section. I'm not gonna say anything about specific techniques, just two main things that I felt I should point out. The first is in reference to this passage... Now anyone who knows anything about fighting knows that is a big 'no-no'. Holding a muscle tense doesn't do anything but cause cramps. And tensing a muscle doesn't enable quick movements, it actually has the opposite effect. When a muscle is loose it's ready to quickly tighten up, which translates to quick movement. When it's tight all it can do is loosen up, that doesn't cause any movement at all. To get movement you'd have to tighten it again which is exactly what you could have done faster if you had left it loose in the first place. So to make a long story short, when people get into a fight they tighten up because of adrenalin, but an experienced fighter knows that and loosens up. If you want Astaroc to be "ready for quick movements" then you shouldn't have him tense up. The second thing is this... No one in a fight actually does flips. (Except the Power Rangers) Why is this? Because they are a waste of time and energy. Why would he flip in this situation? Flipping actually flings his legs towards the attack before pulling them away. What he should do is just strafe back, lunge back, or turn and run. If you were just trying to show that he's acrobatic then you have the right idea. But if you want to make it look like he could really beat a band of elite warriors than you should probably change this a little bit. BAD NEWS OVER! That wasn't so bad right? I mean it was ugly but it had to be said....well it didn't but I said it anyway and I'm not taking it back. So there! Now moving on to the good news. 1) I'm done reading 2) You can now correct the story and make it better Good news over! Really that's the only good news there is, nothing good to say about the story at all. Ok ok that's a complete lie and we all know it. I have a lot to say but I'll try and keep it brief. 1) The Plot Obviously this is the driving force behind any story, and my friend you had a plot! Damn did you have a story, that was awesome, well done! 2) Point of View Ok at first I was wondering about all this switching around chaoticly between points of view. After awhile though it began to grow on me. It really gave you lots of looks at different aspects of the story and allowed you to get into it more than any other style could. Well done sir, I tip my hat. (What I dont have a hat? Uh....moving on....) 3) DnD Moments wow...I had to laugh at stuff like this... 4) The Ending Ok ever since he took that piece of paper I was wondering if he was really helping the Empire or not. And when he placed a piece of paper into the lock I didn't realize it at all. DAMN I was sooo stupid. When the emporer picked it up I was like "duh idiot duh!" Now the twist at the very end actually didn't surprise me because you hinted at it ahead of time. What gave it away you ask? Well the keyword was "trust" You used it a lot leading up to one certain point. And then of course this is what gave it all away... That's when I knew he could never betray her And when I read... I started screaming "Risa! Risa! Risa! Risa is dead!" And then a little further of course... mwa ha ha ha I rule... 5) Just a side note... "So... Your magic is useless?" -Erika "Heh. I guess you could say that." -Astaroc (That was my favorite part just so you know) In conclusion...nice job dude...very nice job...your work shall never be done...
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Post by CrazyDave on Sept 11, 2005 9:54:55 GMT -5
THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!! now this is Constructive Criticism! hee hee hee... ok, here are my answers.... 1) Repeating words. Yeah.....uh.... I do that alot. It's sometimes very hard to avoid, expectally becuase It's actually the way I speak. But, thank you for pointing out these mistakes. I'll fix em later. Promise! 2) Spelling. Um..... I've mentioned several times I can't spell for shit. So, I ALWAYS use Spell checker. if anything gets missed through that, I can't find it.... sorry. 3) Da' Fight scene. Ok, your first point is without one of the best informational smack I've ever gotten. Loosen the muscles, damn..... I got those mixed up. I will Definitly fix this one.... what a mistake! your second point however, I can't COMPLETELY disagree with. This may be a bit convaluded (Feel free to say so) but Astaroc Couldn't do a lunge or strafe. He was hunched down, in a position where his legs were bent underneith himself, kind of like he was kneeling. Now, here's the part I didn't really explain. Astaroc then (in my mind, but obviously not on paper) bent back and placed his hands behind him to give him more of a base. Then, he pushed with his legs, pretty much throwing himself legs first at his pack behind him, kind of like a person flipping themselves around a pomel horse. The flip happened in midair right before he landed, so his legs would be underneith him. After all, if he continued the way he was going, he would've landed on his face and draged a few feet. I will change this as well to make it easier to understand. Ironically, I don't mind that you were Critical of my story. It's good to know where I need work, and I admit that my own knowledge of fights is vauge at best. Thank you for answering some questions I never remebered to ask. also, I'll try to resist flipping around so much in the future.... Good news) WHOO-HOO!!! you liked it! That's all I ever need to hear! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hee heehee.... sorry, But I love it when people talk about how they like my story. It makes me feel all giddy! 1) The plot That was the main focus of the story , besides the love interest and the action. The story Had to be told. This is the way I saw Astaroc's life heading, and , well.... I just had to write it out. It worked out really well. 2)Point of View. I know It's sometimes hard to follow, but I think it makes the story seem more real. I really hate stories were the point of view changes with an Abligatory ***Erika's POV*** What a waste of space. I'm glad that it grew on you like it did for me. I'll definetly try this writing style in the future.... 3) D&D moments. Hee heehee..... I got blown up. Also, I'm using the idea that, while we were friends on our journey, we still spared against each other, even if it's just to keep in shape and understand our attack styles for teamwork. and, of course, Astaroc picked up a bit from everyone. 4) The trust issue. Pape, you are the ONLY person who found that. Yes, the secret meaning to this intire story. The Idea that nobody even figured out yet, and you got it in one. The REAL story behind this story was Astaroc and Erika learning to trust. To be honest, that was the name I was going to use instead of All That Remains, but I desided that the "Secret" meaning has to remain that way as much as possible. but you found it anyway. Good Job. You get a Gold star. 5) Your favorite part. Hee hee hee..... I can't claim to not be funny sometimes.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Sept 11, 2005 11:42:50 GMT -5
Um... yeah, I have to ask... am I the only one who found Matt to be WAY to hyper in that post? Kinda creepy....
~RP~
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Post by CrazyDave on Sept 11, 2005 13:11:27 GMT -5
Naruto can do that to a person.
Plus, I kick ass.
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XAevinX
Full Pirate Monkey
~siro ookami~
Posts: 488
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Post by XAevinX on Sept 11, 2005 14:19:46 GMT -5
Naruto can do that to a person. Plus, I kick ass. Wow Dave, you nailed it perfectly... By the way, if I understand your comment about the "flipping" issue I think you are trying to explain a back hand spring more than a backflip. But maybe I still don't understand....oh well it's still a damn good story. Like I said I just over analyse fight scenes sometimes.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Sept 12, 2005 10:01:56 GMT -5
Oooh, I just realized what Matt totally reminds me of picking away at fight scenes:
(while watching "incompetently-dubbed kung fu") BUFFY: Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong. See, first you would get the big guy, with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba- see, now with the flying kick. (scornfully) From a dead stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm?
Sorry, just made me think of that, had to mention it...
And to make this post on-topic...
ALL THAT REMAINS ROCKS!
~RP~
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XAevinX
Full Pirate Monkey
~siro ookami~
Posts: 488
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Post by XAevinX on Sept 12, 2005 12:28:13 GMT -5
See now I'm not joking at all, that's exactly what I do while watching tv Sara And one more time I'll add damn nice story Dave. Since I forgot to say this earlier I throw it in here. The music from Naruto was so perfect for that final scene!
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