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Post by CrazyDave on Jun 3, 2005 18:50:34 GMT -5
well... yes it is short.
And... to be honest, there isn't really much to put in the negitives.
As usual, you character reactions and knowledge are perfection, your scene describing skills are through the roof, and your style flares on sheer brillence.
Good stuff.
I do hope you continue this story, Sara. Starting a story is great, but It's never good when you don't finish it.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 3, 2005 19:55:08 GMT -5
Oh, thank you, Dave! I was kind of worried about how this chapter went- I guess something just didn't seem right to me, but I guess that's just because I was so close to it. So thanks a lot, and I hope to have more up soon!
EDIT: Oh, and thanks Winston, too! I almost missed yours on the other page.
~RP~
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Post by fescesthrower on Jun 3, 2005 23:01:05 GMT -5
yes twas good
good with story line
alex just isn't able to wait with suspence too long
so keep updating - and i'll keep reading
and something random as i promised
FIRE HYDRANT!!!
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Post by Winston on Jun 6, 2005 6:55:47 GMT -5
Thanks for forgetting me Sara!!!!!!
Anyway, it seems more like a commercial break than a chapter break, y'know?
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 6, 2005 22:00:32 GMT -5
Actually... no, it WASN'T a commercial break. Just a scene break. The commercial break was kind of in the middle of that chapter, only it was different, of course, since the episode didn't have Shelly and Xander yelling at Shelly and Shelly talking to Xander, and yeah... You get it. But wouldn't you think that a commercial break would seem like a good place to put a chapter break?
~RP~
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Jun 7, 2005 16:53:38 GMT -5
So, I finally caught up with this one! Great job, yo! I really, really like it'n'stuff! 'Tis cool. I will be soooo upset if all of this is based entirely off of an actual Buffy episode. You have no idea. . .
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 7, 2005 17:33:55 GMT -5
Lol, um... *coughs* Heh... *glances at the Buffy DVD she keeps next to her computer for... some reason...* Entirely based off an episode? No. Definitely not entirely based off that...
But thanks, Cait. Glad to have you back. Now where did Laura go...?
Next chapter may not be out till after vacation- have a nice TV review for my LiveJournal that I gotta finish first.
~RP~
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Jun 8, 2005 6:50:30 GMT -5
That entry's gonna be HUGE. And as long as it's not completely based on an episode. . . I guess it's okay. . .
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 8, 2005 7:39:39 GMT -5
Well, basically, the same stuff happens in Sunnydale for the most part, because Shelly's prescence there doesn't affect such other things, so I use the episode for a base and put her in there and then form the rest of the episode's story based on what changes she makes to it by being there. At the beginning here, with this episode, Shelly doesn't actually make that much of a difference, and everything happens about the same way. But as time goes on, she'll begin to impact the world around her more and more.
~RP~
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 30, 2005 16:52:06 GMT -5
And Chapter Fifteen is FINALLY up! Whoo hoo! It's a longer one, too! Please tell me what you think! Feedback = good! Thanks!
Chapter Sixteen coming soon!
~RP~
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Jinxie<3
Full Pirate Monkey
Just beyond your imagination...
Posts: 329
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Post by Jinxie<3 on Jun 30, 2005 22:40:48 GMT -5
AAAHHH SUSPENSE!
-rips out hair-
Great action and it wasn't over and done with in three seconds. Very nice. I envy you people that can write action. ^_~
Very nice, Sara. Keep writing. Laura will keep reading. ^_^
-Jinxie<3
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jun 30, 2005 22:49:27 GMT -5
Thankya, Laura! I had trouble with the actionness, trying to find the best describey words and such. Glad to hear a positive review!
~RP~
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Post by CrazyDave on Jun 30, 2005 23:42:39 GMT -5
Very well writen!
hee hee hee.... I missed this story.... and! now it's officailly as long as All That Remains post wise!
you deserve a sexy party!.... but I killed all my hookers.....
anyway, the story itself was the same old goodness, what with the warm, descriptive filling, the chocolate flavored suspence, and the crunchy granola of character knowledge.
..... as you can probably guess, I'm a little hungry.
KEEP UPDATING!!! I like this story. I hope you continue to continue to continue it.
........to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue to continue.
damn infinate loop.....
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Post by RubberPiggy on Jul 1, 2005 6:37:38 GMT -5
Teehee, thanks, Dave!
It's been hard, considering I had more free time during skool than I do now during work. But I shall definitely be trying to get this stuff out quickly. Because I really want to so I can write stuff that comes later that I'm excited to write. ;D
~RP~
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Jul 1, 2005 8:31:11 GMT -5
Good! I like much!
One problem I saw. . .
"Good. She was safe. Now… Now Xander turned toward me with a not-too-happy look on his face. Now I needed to start worrying about me."
Waaaay too many "nows." I'd write it something like this. . .
"Good. She was safe. . . Xander turned towards me with a not-too-happy look on his face. Now I need to start worrying about me."
Just a suggestion mind you. The "nows" become redundant after a while.
It was goooood!
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