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Post by Winston on Oct 25, 2005 11:33:02 GMT -5
Haha Winston you read the original fucked up version where Xanga put random characters and stuff in. I retyped the whole bloody thing to fix it and I FORGOT to put that note back at the beginning...so yeah...oops... Thanks for sticking up for me Winston lol, but that one is my fault. The beginning of the story should (and now does) say... (Note: For the sake of this story my character is now named Aeshin) (Note: Please feel free to inform me about the font / color / size ect...if you can't read it just tell me so.) Yeah, I guess I was earlier than everyone else. At any rate, its there now! Haha. Cant wait for the next chapter.
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XAevinX
Full Pirate Monkey
~siro ookami~
Posts: 488
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Post by XAevinX on Dec 14, 2005 14:47:09 GMT -5
Chapter I is officially posted...
I had to retype it manually because Xanga is doing that stupid thing with the text again so don't be shocked to find spelling mistakes and whatnot....just try to enjoy it anyway...
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Post by Winston on Dec 15, 2005 10:51:49 GMT -5
Excellent stuff. Some awkwardness in some places and some typos, but I dont feel like dissecting it right now. Good story though. Definitely brings back memories.
I cant believe IM the PLAIN CLOTHES guy!!
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Dec 15, 2005 15:44:32 GMT -5
Matt did say there might be typos. Ah well. Awkwardness? I'd like to hear about it. This is the first time I've actually written something complete in first person so anything anyone has to stay, especially people who write a lot in first person, would be greatly appreciated. . .
Meaning, Winston! Feel like dissecting it soon!
And yes, you're the plain clothed-guy. Mwahaha. I think what I call Sara's character is worse though. . . Sorry Sara. That's temporary. I personally liked that idea.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Dec 15, 2005 16:52:39 GMT -5
Sara has read it! Good stuff! Brings back memories. Here are my comments:
- Yeah, I thought Dryden was dressed all ninja-like, wasn't he...? - No, actually, I like the idea, Cait. It's good and objective and isn't Illeanna having Caitlyn's knowlege, or whatever. Nice touch. - Some parts were a little hard to follow, but I think most of that was the typos. - I think you did pretty good with first person, Cait, but there was one thing that bugged me a little, and that was how you kept calling Dryden and Dakell "the plain-clothed one" and "the less plain on" and blah blah blah. Just using those same phrases over and over got kind of annying. IMO, what would be better is, say, to point out that Dakell had an interesting-looking bandana on, and then, not all the time, but most of the time, until you learn his name, refer to him as "Bandana," rather than trying to reuse and slightly change the same phrase. You know what I mean? - Um, if I remember correctly, in the game, after Alex, Winston, and MiniMike's guys all fell over each other, I went over and started kicking them for no reason...
~RP~
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Dec 15, 2005 17:15:36 GMT -5
- I don't remember what the exact description of them that Matt gave me was but I got my idea for the description from there. - Yay! - I went through and thought it was okay but that might be because I knew where it was going. I haven't reread it to look for the typos though. - She wasn't entirely concerned with what they were wearing. She noticed the in-general-things but other than that. . . nothing really major. And it's only like that for the first chapter. She knows their names for the most part. Or will know them by the time it gets back to me again. Hopefully the coma-thing will have passed by then. It'd be a very boring chapter, otherwise.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Dec 15, 2005 19:26:11 GMT -5
Who's is the next chapter? Is it Dave? 'Cause he's totally already been writing his, lol...
~RP~
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Dec 15, 2005 21:18:51 GMT -5
Matt told me it will either me Mike or Winston.
And this was a few days ago when he said this.
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paranoidagent
Full Pirate Monkey
"Figure it out, you who lack filial piety" - Rufus
Posts: 202
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Post by paranoidagent on Feb 5, 2006 16:05:34 GMT -5
Actually, it was me, lol.
I know - unexpected - the one person who isn't creative and sucks at writing has to write one of the first chapters, haha.
<Sigh>
I'm worried - it's finished now - Matt's just fixing it. But i don't think i'm gonna read this thread anymore out of fear. ::insert nervous laughter here::
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Post by Winston on Feb 6, 2006 13:32:22 GMT -5
Al youre creative, and youre fine at writing save for grammar and spelling.
You just need patience.
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paranoidagent
Full Pirate Monkey
"Figure it out, you who lack filial piety" - Rufus
Posts: 202
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Post by paranoidagent on Feb 6, 2006 16:22:13 GMT -5
Ha - your confidence is misplaced - and you haven't read it yet, lol
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Post by Winston on Feb 6, 2006 19:12:37 GMT -5
No but the Angel one you were writing before you killed it off wasnt bad.
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paranoidagent
Full Pirate Monkey
"Figure it out, you who lack filial piety" - Rufus
Posts: 202
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Post by paranoidagent on Feb 6, 2006 21:14:58 GMT -5
Hahahaha - but you have to admit that was the most brilliant ending ever. . .
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Post by Winston on Feb 6, 2006 22:06:30 GMT -5
Indeed.
It was.
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Post by Angels Sleeping on Feb 12, 2006 14:27:15 GMT -5
Yeah, Al, I bet it's great! I just hope Matt posts it soon! I wanna read it!
And I think Sara might be next. Not positive - Matt and I haven't talked about it for a while so I either forgot or he changed his mind again.
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