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Post by CrazyDave on Sept 19, 2005 10:06:40 GMT -5
ok.....here we go....
Winston.... Grammer and Spelling mistakes?
Like what? huh? What? Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't SEE any. Next time you mention them, please have examples, at least.
And, for the both of you.... this Chapter wasn't forced.... at all....
To be honest, I've had this chapter written for the past two weeks. I've just kinda been sitting on it. Now, I can think of WHY you think it feels forced.... it becuase there were simply TOO MANY jokes in this chapter....
and, your right. I went a little over board with this one. The main reason why is becuase I needed Tye to meet Astaroc without actually knowing of his skill level. And, thus, I had to avoid the thief to Astaroc fight somehow. It may be a little odd, but I liked this chapter alot. A whole lot. Not only is it a great base for the story, but it also has pretty much ALL the jokes you're going to get. Funny will drop off pretty fast in this set of stories, so I'm getting some out odf the way now.
As for Tye scenes, he's a rich young man lost in the gheto of a small town (which I still have never named). And, his true love is about to be married off to some... guy! I think he is understandably distrught. But that's only the AUTHORS perspective. Whatever.....
Thank you though. I apreciate the critisism. If you guys read this whole thing through and still think that you're right and I'm wrong, I'll change the chapter and cut out the "Yeah" guy intirely.
well? Tell me!
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Post by Winston on Sept 19, 2005 10:42:31 GMT -5
Intermittingly isnt a word.
Intermittently maybe? Weenie? There shouldnt be a semicolon here, and Im sure the "a twisting" should be "and twisting". Of a new day? I think youre going for Lightly there. Or slightly blew, which still sounds weird. Reptition, like Sara said. "then" seems very awkward there. "as" should be "for" I believe.
Id really rather not expend any more time doing that. But yeah.
Overall it was difficult to read.
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Post by RubberPiggy on Sept 19, 2005 10:53:45 GMT -5
I get what you mean, Dave, and I dunno- it just didn't have the same feel to it, for some reason. And yeah, reading back over the whole thing with the "Yeah" guy, it does make sense, but it didn't my first read, which either means that that's bad 'cause it's not easily understandible, or that I just don't get things easily. Prolly a 'lil of both, lol.
But hey, it's not bad. I still enjoyed it, dude. Keep up the good work.
~RP~
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Post by CrazyDave on Sept 19, 2005 12:37:02 GMT -5
all the revisions you mentioned have been changed, Winston. Thanks for finding them for me.
As I have stated before, I have a form of dislexia which causes me to read things that are wrong as "Right" becuase it's what my brain wants to see. So, I miss things like that. It happens. Thank you for pointing them out so I can correct them.
But.... Winston..... don't discount a story just becuase of Grammer. I mean, yeah, TERRIBLE grammer can ruin a story, but this isn't as bad as Terrible. I know this is rough (Although, to be fair, EVERYTHING so far has been rough too) and you guys are acting as prereaders and reviewers that help me with the weaknesses in my story. Thank you for your help.
Anyway, I really was trying a bit too hard in this chapter, but I like the final product enough to keep it up, right now. If you have any problems, tell me. It'll never get better unless you do.
Period.
on a more positive note, I found a website that allows you to post original fanfiction on the web. I'm going to check it out, maybe I can also post my story there.
ok.... that's all for now.... Chapter 2 will be out after I finish Chapter 3.
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Post by Winston on Sept 19, 2005 12:57:21 GMT -5
Im not discounting the story, although Im still processing exactly what happened. Theres still more to be read, and I will be reading it.
Im just saying that this particular chapter was difficult to read. The opening was awesome, as always. I guess it was just this one.
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